It’s completely normal to feel nervous before a big event, like giving a presentation in class or meeting new people at a party. But if you’re a high schooler or in your freshman year of college and find yourself avoiding social situations altogether because the anxiety feels too overwhelming, you might be dealing with social anxiety.
Social anxiety is more than just shyness or getting butterflies in your stomach. It’s a persistent fear of being judged, embarrassed, or rejected in social situations, and it can really mess with your life. Whether you’re struggling to hang out with friends, dreading group projects, or even avoiding answering questions in class, social anxiety can hold you back from things you might want to do.
So, how can you tell if you have social anxiety, and what can you do about it? Let’s break it down.
Signs You Might Have Social Anxiety
If you’re reading this, you probably already suspect something’s up. But just to be sure, here are some common signs of social anxiety in teens:
You Avoid Social Situations: Maybe you get invited to hang out with a group of friends, but the thought of going makes you so anxious that you make up an excuse to stay home. Or maybe you go, but you spend the whole night glued to your phone or standing in the corner for fear of embarrassing yourself or not knowing what to say in a group of friends.
You Overthink Everything: You’re constantly worrying about what people will think of you, sometimes even days before a social event. You might spend hours replaying conversations in your head, thinking about how you sounded or if you said the wrong thing.
Physical Symptoms of Anxiety: When you’re in a social situation, do you notice your heart racing, your hands shaking, sweating, feeling dizzy, or your face getting hot? These physical symptoms are common when anxiety strikes, and they can make you even more self-conscious. When experiencing these symptoms, your body *thinks* you are under threat so it creates symptoms to help you escape the situation, like running away from a tiger. Your body is tricked into thinking you’re in danger, when that is not actually the case. (This is the reason for your physical anxiety symptoms).
Fear of Judgment: You might be terrified that people are going to laugh at you or think you’re awkward or weird. You might feel embarrassed when someone compliments you or maybe you feel like you can never share your true opinion. If someone asks what your favorite movie is, you answer what you think will be most accepted by your peers. This fear can make it hard to talk to others, speak up in class, or even eat in front of people.
You Feel Paralyzed in Certain Situations: Maybe you freeze when a teacher calls on you, or you can’t bring yourself to introduce yourself to new people. You want to speak, but your brain shuts down, and the anxiety takes over.
You Avoid Asking for Help: Whether it’s asking a teacher for clarification on an assignment, speaking up when you don’t understand something, or asking a trusted adult for something when you feel in over your head, social anxiety can make even simple tasks feel impossible.
Why It’s Important to Recognize Social Anxiety
Everyone gets nervous sometimes, but if social anxiety is stopping you from living your life or reaching your goals, it’s worth taking seriously. The good news? You’re not alone. Many teens (and adults) struggle with social anxiety, and there are ways to manage it. Better yet, you can overcome it.
If you don’t tackle social anxiety, it can grow stronger over time. What we resist, persists. You might start avoiding more and more situations, which can make you feel even more isolated. But facing your anxiety—even when it’s uncomfortable—is the first step toward gaining control over it.
Keep this in mind, “A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.”
What You Can Do About Social Anxiety
If some of the signs above sound familiar, you might be wondering what to do next. Here are some steps you can take to start managing your social anxiety:
Talk to Someone You Trust
Opening up to a friend, family member, or school counselor about your anxiety can be really helpful. They might not know how much you’re struggling, and talking about it can help you feel less alone. Sometimes, just naming your anxiety out loud makes it feel less overwhelming.
If you’re comfortable, you can also talk to a therapist. Therapists can help you figure out the root of your anxiety and give you tools to manage it. Plus, they’ll never judge you—they’re there to support you. There are specialized therapists who help teens with social anxiety using a type of therapy that helps so many people overcome their social anxiety, which we will talk about next.
Try Gradual Exposure
One of the best ways to tackle social anxiety is through something called exposure therapy (Exposure and Response Prevention). This means facing your fears in small, manageable steps rather than avoiding them.
Let’s say you’re terrified of speaking up in class. You don’t have to start by giving a full presentation in front of everyone. Instead, you could begin by answering a question during a smaller group activity. Over time, as you get more comfortable with small challenges, you can work your way up to bigger ones.
The key is to take things one step at a time and not rush yourself. Slowly facing the situations that make you anxious helps you realize that they’re not as scary as they seem. Ultimately, exposures help you build confidence and trust in yourself. It helps you truly believe that you can do hard things, and eventually the hard things don’t feel so hard.
Challenge Negative Thoughts and Reframe into New, Helpful Thoughts
Social anxiety often comes with a lot of negative thoughts. You might think, “Everyone’s going to think I’m stupid” or “I’ll embarrass myself for sure.” These thoughts are automatic, but they’re not always based in reality.
When you catch yourself thinking something negative, try to challenge and reframe it. Ask yourself: Is there any real evidence that this will happen? What’s the worst that could actually happen? Most of the time, your fears are exaggerated, and even if something does go wrong, it’s not as catastrophic as your mind makes it seem because you CAN do hard things.
Practice Self-Compassion
It’s easy to be hard on yourself when you’re dealing with anxiety, but it’s important to remember that you’re human. Everyone makes mistakes, and nobody’s expecting you to be perfect. Instead of beating yourself up when something doesn’t go as planned, try to treat yourself with kindness. What would you say to a friend in the same situation? Say that to yourself.
Build Social Skills Gradually
If social situations feel overwhelming, start small. You could begin by making eye contact with people or smiling at someone in the hallway. From there, you might try making small talk with a classmate or cashier. These little interactions build your confidence over time, making it easier to handle bigger social situations down the road.
Don’t Be Afraid to Get Help
If your social anxiety feels too big to handle on your own, reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Therapy, especially Exposure and Response Prevention, is super effective for social anxiety. A therapist can help you change the way you think about social situations, help you build the skills to manage your anxiety, and help you feel truly confident.
We have therapists who specialize in helping teens and young adults with social anxiety who would love to help. Fill out our contact form to get a free 15-20 good fit discovery call (serving clients virtually throughout Arizona and in-person in the Phoenix area).
You are not alone
If you think you might have social anxiety, know that you’re not alone, and it’s something you can overcome. It takes time, patience, and a willingness to face your fears, but with the right strategies and support, you can start to feel more comfortable in social situations. Take things one step at a time, be kind to yourself, and don’t hesitate to reach out for help when you need it.